The Frozen Tundra

This winter has been remarkably mild in Mississippi and relatively dry in comparison to last year. However, these last two weeks we have been on a roller coaster of warm, chilly, cold, frozen precipitation, warm again and now, just damn cold.

Of course, our winters are not nearly of the magnitude like in places further north, but most of you have never experienced our summers either. We are warm weather people. We are not used to snow and ice and sub 20 degree mornings. Just last Sunday I was outside pulling weeds in a pair of shorts. This morning I look like Ralphie's little brother in A Christmas Story.

In the Spanish language when referring to the weather, you use the verb "hacer", which means "to make or do." For example, "hace calor", literally translated means "it makes hot." Or "hace lluvia", "it makes rain." Well, today it is most definitely making some cold here in Mississippi and I'm about sick of it.

It is almost time to start work on the spring garden, so Al Gore? Keep your damn mouth shut bucko!

And one other Spanish lesson before I go. Hacer is also used to abruptly declare things such as the desire to use the restroom. So it is not uncommon to hear someone say, at the dinner table perhaps, "yo hago piss!" Which means "I have to tee tee." But it is usually said in brusque force and can be difficult for a person like myself who would say something more delicate like, "Excuse me, I am going to the restroom," instead of announcing rudely exactly what I am going to be doing in there.  Nothing destroys a lovely dinner like some dope exclaiming he is about to take a dump.

This was something I never quite got used to while living in Central America. Well, that and their lack of political correctness when it came to appearances. If you were ugly, they called you "feo" and if you were fat you were "gordo." If you were a black guy, that's exactly what they called you, "Hola Negro!" And even if you were mentally or physically handicapped, man, woman, or child, no one escaped the wrath of the name calling. But it was all accepted in good humor and in a way, I completely admire that.

Ok, lesson is over. Ustedes maricones pueden chupar el pene del diablo ahora!

- Sent from my iPhone