Someone Needs a Man

Not once, not twice, but three times this lady confuses "peanuts" with "penis". Courtesy of CNN:

THE WHAT THE HELLVIN MELVIN FILES: MAN HAS 16 WASHERS REMOVED FROM PENIS

This man is taking the whole "erector" set thing a bit too far:

A man was operated on in Hornsby Hospital early today to remove 16 stainless steel washers from his penis.

Berowra Fire Rescue officers were called to alleviate the man from his awkward predicament at 3am.

It was not clear how the situation arose.

The man may well have thought long and hard about placing himself in the difficult situation.

Fire Rescue Officers spent more than an hour unsuccessfully attempting to remove the washers, before the man was taken into an operating theatre about 4.30am.

Surgeons took about 90 minutes to remove the washers using fire brigade equipment.

A hospital spokesman said equipment normally used to remove rings from fingers was ineffective because of the thicker nature of the washers.

The man was in a satisfactory condition.

It is believed the only lasting damage may be to his pride.

Pride? The dude was able to put his penis through 16 washers. Something tells me his pride was gone along time ago.

GRANDMA GETS DILDO FOR HER BIRTHDAY

This is just wrong...on so many levels. And who the hell are these people getting her blood pressure up by shoving the thing in her mouth? Looks like someone just took out a life insurance policy on granny.

INVASION OF THE PENIS SNATCHERS

Sleep with one eye open fellas...

Police in Congo have arrested 13 suspected sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink men's penises after a wave of panic and attempted lynchings triggered by the alleged witchcraft.

Reports of so-called penis snatching are not uncommon in West Africa, where belief in traditional religions and witchcraft remains widespread, and where ritual killings to obtain blood or body parts still occur.

Purported victims, 14 of whom were also detained by police, claimed that sorcerers simply touched them to make their genitals shrink or disappear, in what some residents said was an attempt to extort cash with the promise of a cure.

"You just have to be accused of that, and people come after you. We've had a number of attempted lynchings. ... You see them covered in marks after being beaten," Kinshasa's police chief, Jean-Dieudonne Oleko, told Reuters on Tuesday.
"I'm tempted to say it's one huge joke," Oleko said.
"But when you try to tell the victims that their penises are still there, they tell you that it's become tiny or that they've become impotent. To that I tell them, 'How do you know if you haven't gone home and tried it'," he said.

Penis snatchers? I bet these guys are Hillary supporters.