SINCE THE END OF APARTHEID, THINGS AREN'T GOING SO WELL FOR THE SOUTH AFRICANS

They can't even find a decent chair in that country. Good lord this is funny.

HANDICAPPED MAN ASSISTED TO VOTE FOR OBAMA...AGAINST HIS WILL

Somehow I get the feeling we're all going to end up in a concentration camp.

So, when does assistance become fraud? According to a mentally handicapped man in Georgia, when the assistant casts the vote for the candidate that he opposes. Jack Justice, a handicapped individual was taken to the Albany, GA voting booth by members of the adult rehab center he attends.

From WALB.com In GA:

Jack Justice has been voting since he turned 18. Typically his family takes him to their neighborhood precinct. This time Primus Industries, his adult day rehab program, took him to vote. His family was shocked, but what shocked them more was that Jack claims that his aide commandeered his vote.

"They told me to vote for Obama, I said no I wanted to vote for McCain," said Jack Justice, a voter.

Jack Justice says the person helping him, selected Obama's name. His sister says the family is often asked to sign a permission slips for trips, but for this they were never notified.

"No permission slips, no nothing, he just came home and said he had gone," said Nancy Justice, Jack's sister.

We questioned election officials about the procedure, who say they recall the group coming in to vote and an aide was helping the individuals, but they must sign an oath that they'll cast the ballot however the voter prefers.

In an update from WALB it turns out that at least five other handicapped voters were told that they had to vote for Sen Obama by that assistant.

The Albany Area Community Service Board which oversees Primus Industries said today they will bring in an external agency to investigate allegations made by Jack Justice. He told his family that an aide took him and five other mentally challenged clients to vote during their day rehabilitation program, and told them they had to vote for Barack Obama. Election officials say if the allegations prove true, the aide could face charges.

See a video report here.

DIRTY COWBOY BOOTS COULD BE THE REASON YOU'RE WALKING WITHOUT A GIRL: UNLESS YOU'RE BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN

Shoeshine man insulting everyone who crosses his path.

SUPER WHACKY MUSLIM FUN TIME: SAUDI CAN OPENER

Sometimes Daddy's money, a harem, and a really nice Range Rover just aren't enough fun.

BIDEN ASKS WHEELCHAR BOUND MAN TO "STAND UP"

A heartbeat away from the oval office. A heartbeat away!

WAR PORN: HEY JOE!...WHERE YOU GOING WITH THAT IED IN YOUR HAND?

Yeah...it's graphic...This ain't no sipping tea.

MAN TRIES TO PAY HITMAN WITH NASCAR MEMORABILIA

Just another "Ford" vs. "Chevy" argument gone wrong:

Your local yellow pages doesn’t feature a “Hitman” or “Murder for Hire” section, but if it did my guess is none of the ads would include the phrase “We accept cash, check, credit card and Kasey Kahne collectible pins.”

Today’s PITTSBURGH POST-GAZETTE introduces us to Allen Bridges, 53 and his 18 year-old son Jacob of Everett, PA who were unaware of the fact that NASCAR memorabilia is not an accepted form of currency.

Allen, who was already locked up in Bedford County jail on charges of selling the powerful painkiller, fentanyl, was in need of a hitman to take out witness testifying against him. The down payment received for such services would be “a bulging black trash bag” containing a portion of Allen’s NASCAR collection.The hitman who would meet Allen’s son Jacob to receive his payment was not actually a hitman, he was “state police Detective Steve Shelley posing as killer for hire” thanks to a tip from fellow inmates of the Bedford County jail to the police. Allen and Jacob “have been charged with solicitation of murder, conspiracy and retaliation against a witness.”

As if those charges and the jail time that awaits them wasn’t bad enough, Allen’s collection was also called “a bunch of junk” by Bedford County District Attorney William Higgins.

GAY MAN SUING BIBLE PUBLISHER OVER HOMOPHOBIC VERSES

It must be that passage that says "thall shall not have a butt buddy".

The Christian Post reports that a homosexual man has filed a $70 million lawsuit against Bible publishers Zondervan and Thomas Nelson, alleging that references to homosexuality being a sin in versions of the Bible they publish violate his constitutional rights and has caused him emotional distress. Are you kidding me? Talk about a frivolous suit!

Bradley LaShawn Fowler, an ex-con turned author, filed the federal suit in the U.S. District Court for the Eastern District of Michigan on Monday. Fowler, who is representing himself, claims that Zondervan manipulated Scripture by using the term “homosexuals” in 1 Corinthians 6:9 of their 1982 and 1987 revised edition Bibles. He also contends that the reference to homosexuality were deleted by the publisher in later versions without informing the public.

He also alleges that since the older Kings James Version containing the term “homosexuals” is used by his family pastor, he has been outcast by his family.

The 39-year-old is suing the Grand Rapids publisher for compensation of 20 years of “emotional duress and mental instability,” he told WOOD-TV in Grand Rapids.

Something tells me this guy is going to have a hard time serving God with this suit.

THE WHAT THE HELLVIN MELVIN FILES: MAN HAS 16 WASHERS REMOVED FROM PENIS

This man is taking the whole "erector" set thing a bit too far:

A man was operated on in Hornsby Hospital early today to remove 16 stainless steel washers from his penis.

Berowra Fire Rescue officers were called to alleviate the man from his awkward predicament at 3am.

It was not clear how the situation arose.

The man may well have thought long and hard about placing himself in the difficult situation.

Fire Rescue Officers spent more than an hour unsuccessfully attempting to remove the washers, before the man was taken into an operating theatre about 4.30am.

Surgeons took about 90 minutes to remove the washers using fire brigade equipment.

A hospital spokesman said equipment normally used to remove rings from fingers was ineffective because of the thicker nature of the washers.

The man was in a satisfactory condition.

It is believed the only lasting damage may be to his pride.

Pride? The dude was able to put his penis through 16 washers. Something tells me his pride was gone along time ago.

MAN SENTENCED AFTER BEING RAPED BY A WOMBAT

Not sure why it is that the wombat isn't doing the time.

A New Zealand man who claimed to have been left speaking Australian after being raped by a wombat has been sentenced to 75 hours community service.

Arthur Ross Cradock, a 48-year-old orchard worker, admitted in the Nelson District Court yesterday to the charge of using a phone for a fictitious purpose, after calling police with the message, "I've been raped by a wombat".

On a second subsequent call to the communications centre, Cradock told police he was being raped by a wombat at his Motueka address, and sought their immediate help.

He called police again soon after, and gave his full name, saying he wanted to withdraw the complaint.

"I'll retract the rape complaint from the wombat, because he's pulled out," Cradock told the operator at the communications centre, who had no idea what he was talking about, Mr Stringer said.

"Apart from speaking Australian now, I'm pretty all right you know, I didn't hurt my bum at all," Cradock then told the operator.

MAN CAUGHT CRAPPING IN WAL-MART DRINKING FOUNTAIN

This might be the cleverest bottled water marketing campaign ever?

HOMELESS WOMAN LIVES UNDETECTED IN MAN'S CLOSET FOR A YEAR

Damn!

A HOMELESS woman who sneaked into a man’s house and lived undetected in his wardrobe for a year was arrested in Japan yesterday.

The woman was only rumbled after the man became suspicious about food mysteriously disappearing from his kitchen.

Police found the 58-year-old woman hiding in the top compartment of the man’s wardrobe and arrested her for trespassing, police spokesman Hiroki Itakura said today.

The man had installed security cameras that transmitted images to his mobile phone after becoming puzzled by food disappearing from his kitchen.

One of the cameras captured someone moving inside his home after he had left, and he called police believing it was a burglar.

However, when they arrived they found the door locked and all the windows closed.

"We searched the house ... checking everywhere someone could possibly hide," Itakura said.

"When we slid open the shelf closet, there she was, nervously curled up on her side."

The woman told police she had nowhere to live and first sneaked into the man’s house about a year ago when he left it unlocked.

She had moved a mattress into the small closet space and even took showers, Itakura said, calling the woman "neat and clean."

God knows what's hiding in this guy's sock drawer.

HOMELESS MAN ARRESTED FOR MOON PIE ATTACK

The question is...Did he wash it down with a cold RC cola?

GALESBURG, Ill. (AP) - Police in Galesburg said a homeless man was arrested for allegedly attacking an 84-year-old man with a box of Moon Pies.

The elderly man told police he was on his way out of a dollar store on Friday when he felt something striking him repeatedly in the back. He said he turned around and saw that 53-year-old Michael Farquer was hitting him with something inside a yellow plastic bag.

The victim went back inside the store, and Farquer followed him, whereupon the staff called police. Officers determined that the weapon was a one-dollar box of Moon Pies, which they confiscated as evidence before taking Farquer to the Knox County Jail on a battery charge.

MUSLIM MAN THREATENS SUIT OVER TRANSSEXUAL MAN

I hate it when Muslims and transsexuals fight. I never know who to root for.

For the past 12 months, she had proudly taken to the road as part of an all-female driving school. But Emma Sherdley is not exactly all woman. Until a few years ago she was a married father-of-two called Andrew. She is, though, in the middle of treatment to change gender and has the legal paperwork to prove it. But that wasn't enough to satisfy one client who claimed he had been shortchanged when he booked a female instructor to teach his wife how to drive.

He phoned the Laugh 'n' Pass driving school threatening to sue after Miss Sherdley, 42, turned up for the lesson. 'You have sent me a man. Send me a proper female. How dare you send a man with a deep voice,' he told Joanne Dixon, who runs the school in West Yorkshire. The man, a Muslim from the Meadowhall district of Sheffield who has not been named, claimed the company deliberately sent a man disguised as a woman.

His wife had apparently cut their two-hour lesson short after an hour, claiming she had to go home to breastfeed her baby.

IRANIAN BOMB SHELTER

Why does Pooh and the honey jar come to mind?

OTIS THE FROGMAN: THE COUSIN KENNY CHRONICLES (VOL. 8)

It was nagging at me...so I googled it...and this is what I found...

Otis the Frogman was a black man from Georgia, his nickname, presumably, a reference to his unusually formed limbs. His act was to roll, light and smoke a cigarette using only his lips. Until he was 28, he had eked a living from hawking pencils and other goods; his break came when he showed his cigarette trick to a carnival that was passing through town and was asked to join up as a novelty act. He took up the offer, describing it as "the best thing that had ever happened". In addition to enjoying the traveling and being accepted as a valued member the group, the income had allowed him to buy a small house in his hometown.

I thought I had only imagined Otis the Frogman...Really, I thought that I had never seen what I saw...You know how your recollection plays tricks on you and you realize sometime later that things were never as you recall?...I doubted my recollections of Otis...from so many years ago...at the Dixie Classic Fair...the October air crisp and cool...my floppy hair obscuring my eyes...a Loni Anderson poster, won after $15 worth of ring toss, tucked firmly under my arm...But I saw it...It was almost exactly as I recall...as validated by my own internet research...conducted just 20 minutes ago...and I realize at right this very moment...I should have left that memory alone...not even sought to verify it...things were better that way...my life was better then...and it was better just 20 minutes ago...before Google solved the mystery...I need a cigarette.

Cousin Kenny

SAUDI ARABIA'S FUNNIEST HOME VIDEOS

A rather large Saudi Arabian man tries to mount a horse...The horse does a better job of mounting him.

DICKHEAD OF THE DAY

Scumbag robs an ROTC student who is having a seizure...