IRONY

A homeless woman named Mercedes gets a car.

HOMELESS WOMAN LIVES UNDETECTED IN MAN'S CLOSET FOR A YEAR

Damn!

A HOMELESS woman who sneaked into a man’s house and lived undetected in his wardrobe for a year was arrested in Japan yesterday.

The woman was only rumbled after the man became suspicious about food mysteriously disappearing from his kitchen.

Police found the 58-year-old woman hiding in the top compartment of the man’s wardrobe and arrested her for trespassing, police spokesman Hiroki Itakura said today.

The man had installed security cameras that transmitted images to his mobile phone after becoming puzzled by food disappearing from his kitchen.

One of the cameras captured someone moving inside his home after he had left, and he called police believing it was a burglar.

However, when they arrived they found the door locked and all the windows closed.

"We searched the house ... checking everywhere someone could possibly hide," Itakura said.

"When we slid open the shelf closet, there she was, nervously curled up on her side."

The woman told police she had nowhere to live and first sneaked into the man’s house about a year ago when he left it unlocked.

She had moved a mattress into the small closet space and even took showers, Itakura said, calling the woman "neat and clean."

God knows what's hiding in this guy's sock drawer.

HOMELESS MAN ARRESTED FOR MOON PIE ATTACK

The question is...Did he wash it down with a cold RC cola?

GALESBURG, Ill. (AP) - Police in Galesburg said a homeless man was arrested for allegedly attacking an 84-year-old man with a box of Moon Pies.

The elderly man told police he was on his way out of a dollar store on Friday when he felt something striking him repeatedly in the back. He said he turned around and saw that 53-year-old Michael Farquer was hitting him with something inside a yellow plastic bag.

The victim went back inside the store, and Farquer followed him, whereupon the staff called police. Officers determined that the weapon was a one-dollar box of Moon Pies, which they confiscated as evidence before taking Farquer to the Knox County Jail on a battery charge.