Thursday, December 8, 2011

Cheeseburgers and Gutter Thieves: The Cousin Kenny Chronicles (Vol. 12)


A few weeks ago, someone stole my step ladder from in front of my door. I was hanging Halloween decorations, went inside to eat lunch, and when I came back, the step ladder was gone. Stolen in broad daylight. Certainly, I was miffed, but I thought very little of it after that.


During the past couple of weeks, however, during my lunch hour, I have noticed about 5 different men briskly walking down the sidewalk carrying long pieces of house gutters. Most of the time, the pieces of gutter were folded in half. I'm not an idiot, so after the second or third man I saw with a gutter piece tucked under his arm, I began to realize that these people are stealing the gutters right off of houses, and cashing them in as scrap metal. And then it clicked that that is probably the same reason my step ladder was stolen. Either that, or some midget needed it to get a can of peas out of the pantry.


This past Monday, I watched an elderly lady spend about 10 minutes trying to yank the rebar out of a concrete parking lot barrier. Not sure why, but I gave her my cheeseburger. She cursed me and threw it on the ground and resumed working on the rebar. She never did get the rebar removed. But she did, before leaving, pick the cheeseburger up and take it with her. She even gave me one those "thanks buddy" head nods as she walked past my car. But you know, by that time, she had pissed me off to the point that I just wished I had my cheeseburger back. I did not give her one of those "it's all good" head nods in return. Because frankly, it wasn't all good. At that point, it was pretty damn far from all good.


Cousin Kenny

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