How Do You Spell Psycho?

W-O-O-F!

Too bad I have to walk out the door and actually work today because I have some rather choice words for this episode, but parents, please, if you child is doing this, please seek some help. 12 page photo spreads in the local paper don't count.

H/T: JWF

OBAMA STYLE PROGRAM PAYING STUPID STUDENTS TO SEEK TUTORING

Hope and change in action.

In ultra-liberal Austin, Texas, an Obama-style high school program has been unveiled: It pays poorly performing students $6-a-hour to get free after-school tutoring!

Interestingly, Austin's school district already provides free tutoring to under-performing students, thanks to requirements mandated by the Bush administration's No Child Left Behind law. But sadly, those initiatives have failed to perform as expected.

Referring to the existing free tutoring program, the Austin-American Statesman revealed this interesting tidbit, one calling up the old saw about leading a horse to water. “Austin pays more than $1,000 per student for the service...(but) few eligible students — less than 2 percent in years past — take advantage of it.”

Now, former Austin Mayor Bruce Todd, a Democrat, has put forth his pay-you-to-learn program: It will turn underachievers into achievers -- unlike the free tutoring program spurred by No Child Left Behind, he contends. His $375,000 initiative -- apparently the first of its kind anywhere -- will be funded by the private sector, and that's certainly good news for taxpayers. They'd surely riot if they were hit up for the money, judging by the public's initial and overwhelmingly negative reactions to the initiative.

I wish they had that program when I was in school. I would have never had to take that job at Hardee's just to put brake fluid in my car.

KETCHUP ON YOUR HOT DOG? IT'S NOT JUST FOR MENTAL PATIENTS AND KANSANS ANYMORE

A repost of one of the first posts on this blog. It seemed like the day was appropriate.

As the saying goes, "the only people who put ketchup on their hot dogs are mental patients, and Kansans. THE BIG FEED, however, has learned of a growing sub-culture of non-Kansans and non-mental patients who are shunning the traditional condiments in favor of the vinegar based paste. "Hot Dog Man", creator of thehotdogtruck.com, and a man who sells hot dogs for a living, wrote of this seedy element of the hotdog world:

Ketchup is very much a staple condiment-Ronald Reagan said it was a vegetable! Ketchup is great on fries, burgers-even eggs.

But not on a hot dog.

When I first opened, I would not put ketchup on a hot dog for my patrons. I had a basket of ketchup packets outside for the ketchup eating crowd. I would shell out a fair bit of abuse on the ketchup loving populace as well. Sometimes I'd ask for ID (the National Hot Dog and Sausage Council says ketchup shouldn't be put on hot dogs for anyone over age 18). Other times I'd say (incredulously) "KETCHUP?!?!? ON A HOT DOG?!?!?!" If there was a group of people and one guy ordered a dog with ketchup, I'd ask his friends if they could perhaps hold a hot dog intervention for him. Whatever insult I'd hurl, I'd sweep my hands contemptuously toward the Ketchup packets and say "I won't put ketchup on a hot dog, help yourself." This little schtick annoyed and amused the clientelle-it usually got a laugh and I have never been punched for it.

There was one guy who got wise to the act and ordered his hot dogs plain to avoid the abuse. He'd then sneak a few ketchup packets and go back to his car to eat so I wouldn't hurl abuse at him. This guy is a big Red Sox fan and we'd always chat about the Sox while he was waiting for his dogs. He is a seasonal worker so he wasn't out in the winter. In the spring of 2005 (after my Red Sox won it all) he popped by and told me he was going to see the Sox play on opening day in New York City. I asked him how he scored the tickets and he said he had a new girlfriend from Connecticut and she was a Yankee Fan.

I said "brother, if you can date a Yankee fan, I can put ketchup on your hot dogs."

So now you can get ketchup on your dogs at the Hot Dog Truck-I've even toned down the abuse.

So there you have it. Ketchup on hotdogs is not just for mental patients and Kansans. Red Sox fans are now in on the act.

THE BATS OF AUSTIN, TEXAS: THE COUSIN KENNY CHRONICLES (VOL. 1)

In Austin, Texas there is a bridge where over a million Mexican free-tail bats will congregate in the summer...and every summer evening, at dusk, tons of people will assemble to watch the bats fly from underneath the bridge in search of food...One summer I visited my brother who lived near Austin...and one night we got all liquored up and drove down to the bridge to see the bats...We thought it would be a good idea to go down there with tennis rackets, butterfly nets, and wearing football helmets...not to do any actual harm to the bats, but just to see the people's reaction...to our surprise, no one said anything about it being a bad idea or displayed any sign of disgust...We did, however, have three different people tell us that the best way to go about our business was with a lawn chair and a shotgun...God bless Texas

Cousin Kenny