Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Well Now...

I started this blog, and I haven't checked in on it in a month.  Fact is, as I write this post, I still haven't read it.  I did get a notice from Google that my ad sense account has been disabled for "invalid click activity".  I have no idea what that's about, but if you're repeatedly clicking ad banners as a means of helping out the blog, please refrain.  Visit the advertisers if you wish, but chill on any monkey like clicking.

I apologize for my absence.  Busy, family health issues, kids baseball, etc...  Rest assured, however, that during my time away from the blog, I have not sent any photos of my genitals to anyone that wasn't within my most trusted inner-circle.  No, I'm not above sending pictures of my stuff to others.  But, only upon invitation, and only in a very classy manner.

It's time to get back on the horse.





Tuesday, June 28, 2011

RIP Lorenzo Charles

God bless your soul. You gave me more joy than you will ever know.



Friday, June 24, 2011

Friday Afternoon Noise

.....and I say unto thee. . . .



You Are Not Alone

. . .but after reading the following article, you might wish to be.

People have been eating strange things for thousands of years: sheep testicles, pork brains, shark meat soaked in lye, cheese with maggots in it. Practically, if it can be chewed, masticated, or just gulped down in one shot, then man has probably tried it at least once.

And as a culinarian and former chef, I appreciate a well thought out and creative meal that pushes the envelope of the norm, however. . .and this is a big ol' however, I must draw the line when food involves a horse boner.

Yes, I said horse boner.  Prepare yourself for the "money shot":

From The Dominion Post:

While the rest of the meal of seared Asian duck and pork and paua spring rolls sounds delicious - it is the Hoihoi tatea, or horse semen drink which is on everyone's minds.


Ack!

I can't even follow up with a punch line that doesn't involve sounds of me gagging. . .


Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Concerned


I am by no means the most prolific poster on this sight. But what the...?

I'm a little afraid to be in this place alone actually.

Hug me.

Friday, June 17, 2011

Surviving Recovery Summer II, part 4


OK so you are eating and playing with rats and pushing a super fine shopping cart down the sunny streets of Recover Summer II. Not what you pictured for yourself but you're getting by. With the help of The Big Feed you are eating, entertaining yourself and your kids and you now have a means of getting other peoples garbage back to your home base at the neighborhood Obamaville. But although you all wish, you can't have the Big Feed holding your dirty little hand every minute of the day. This brings me to our next topic:

Networking.

You are going to need friends down at the bottom of that barrel we call Obamanomics. Those old friends you had on Linked In or Face Book are gone. They are either working for the government and fully reprogrammed or living in the competing Obamaville across town. Forget them. You need new friends. Ones that have specialized skills like turning road kill into delicious snacks or scarying people away from your shopping cart.

Here are some helpful tips on building your new Recovery Summer professional network:

1) Smell is not a disqualifying feature. Your new friends are going to smell like dumpster liquid in august. It's OK. You think you smell any better?

2) Teeth. The number of teeth your new friends are going to have is very low. Refrain from Jack-o-Lantern and "Billy Bob" jokes and you should be fine.

3) A violent, unpredictable, smelly, toothless contact who can skin and cook rats is better than having a violent, unpredicatble, smelly, toothless contact who can not. Check their backgrounds.

4) Crazy people are one thing but crazy people who voted for Obama are just light years worse than that. Stay away from them. They are on their own. Most likey they will kill themselves somehow.

5) Stay close to the tall thin bums. They can fit into stuff. Try holding their ankles as they climb into a clothing drop or a Boston Market dumpster. These people are the key to your survival.

6) Always have lots of sticks to beat your friends that suddenly turn into enemies when food hits the floor.

There are more tips but frankly I gotta go start my weekend.

Remember folks, we aren't messing around here. Keep your eyes open. Some of the craziest mofo's can be your next CEO or CFO of your Obamaville. This is not the time to turn your nose up at anyone. Network!!!

Stay tuned for more exciting Recovery Summer II tips!!

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Surviving Recovery Summer II, part 3


Remember all those trips to Costco or BJ's back in the day? Your cart bursting with all of life's little necessities. And sometimes some not so necessary stuff? 10 pounds of chopped meat for the BBQ...check. 6 cases of Becks...check. 55 gallon drum of mayonnaise...check. Remember how grateful you were when you got back out to the parking lot that you had a trusty SUV to haul that stuff home? Well those days are over. Obamanomics has put an end to all that. Today you are lucky enough to tuck into a rat sandwich while you play fetch with your pet rat. Your SUV was long ago traded in for small plot of dirt in your local Obamaville. Enjoy your stay. But you still will need something that can hold a lot of goods. You'll be trolling the rich neighborhoods looking for scraps of wood to burn or some bottles to trade in. Maybe an old toilet seat for little Timmy to play with? Whatever. What I'm trying to say is you will need a shopping cart. Any supermarket that is still in business will have them for free right out front. Just follow these easy steps to shopping cart ownership:

1) Walk to the parking lot of your local supermarket.
2) Ask the lady loading her car if she still needs that cart.
3) Run

Congratulations!

You own a 2011 Obamaville SUV!

Stay tuned for more exciting tips on surviving Recovery Summer II!

Friday, June 10, 2011

D-Bag when he was riding high

Just a few months ago. I'm surprised we don't see a lot of clips of this performance of his with regard to his current situation. At 6:01 he starts to go into his Twitter account. LOL. Funny how he's introduced as a possible next mayor of NY too. Ha ha! You can just tell he's good at making friends. I did have to laugh at the Rachel from Glee comparison though. Oh how hard the mighty fall...



Enjoy.

Surviving Recovery Summer II, part 2

Soon the kids will be off from school and bothering you all the time about getting a Playstation or Xbox or a bike or some other such plaything only a king could afford in these days of Obamanomics. Your kids need to be set straight. First off where are you gonna plug a video game console in at your Obamaville? A tree stump? And a bike will just get stolen by the bigger kids who are lucky enough to be eating raccoons in these days of plenty (Recovery Summer II).

So why not a pet?

By now you are already trapping rats and eating them. Why not hold one back for the lil' ones? Preferably a young one:

From madasafish.com:
Wild Norway rats can make perfectly good pets, at least if you get them young(see!) - and the normal way of ending up with a wild Norway rat is by your cat bringing you a baby one. They are shyer than domestic/fancy rats, with a coarser coat and (usually) much smaller eyes and ears (Terrific!): but not so shy as to make them completely unapproachable. They will generally be more excitable than a domestic rat, just as most wolves are more excitable than most dogs (Fantastic!!); but a hand-reared wild Norway rat is probably no more difficult to manage than a stroppy hamster - though of course their bite is proportionately worse.(Great!!) They are easy to keep clean, as they are more likely than domestic rats to establish a lavatory corner and use only that (I was going to say "and stick to it", but considering how gummy rat-urine is (Oh yes!) I decided that that was an unfortunate turn of phrase).



Spoiled brat show off!



So now you are utilizing the humble rat as food and entertainment. It's all about being efficient in these days of hope and change folks. Stay tuned for more exciting tips!


To learn more about wild rat pets click here!

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Indeed Links And Hijinks

A good Thursday afternoon chuckle from Landshark 5150.

Sully The Urban Hillbilly has a creative art project for sale and it'll make you say either one of two things: 1) Wow!  or 2) How much Ritalin did he take to concentrate for that long??

For the record Sully, I said wow!

Ben Franklin at the Audacity of Logic has an editorial  about Obama's failed policies that I couldn't agree with more.

And lastly, a picture and a song for my dad, who is coming home from the hospital tomorrow to finish his days out in the comfort of Camp Burning Toast.

C'mon home Pop, this is where you belong and where you deserve to be.






Fleeced

Seems like this headline say it all:

From The Daily Mail:

Obama and a White House invite for dictator who has stolen billions from his impoverished African nation

I bet the conversation flowed easily, considering how much both have in common.  Obama was probably seeking a little advice from a professional.

Surviving Recovery Summer II, part I

With recovery summer II staring us straight in the mug, I was wondering about ways I could make it even more enjoyable and helpful to others.

The first thing I thought of was what to eat. What would someone enjoying the fruits of Obamanomics be able to afford or even catch on their own no matter where they lived?


Rats.


Ingredients
• Fresh rats
• Fresh herbs (Oh just grab some salt and pepper, your highness.)
• Peanuts oil
• Chilli peppers (fancy!)
• Butter
• Peanuts (Don't forget to use the one the rat didn't finish in the trap))
Preparation
• First you’ll have to brown the rat skin with a blowtorch. (I do this while they're still alive.)
• Then leave them cool down.
• When it cool enough, clean the rest of the skin with a steel wool.
• Eviscerate the rat and split it. (Yeah man!!!)
• Put all the good rat parts in a jar, with the fresh peppers and the herbs and the oil.
Leave for it for half an hour to the fridge. (Christ, why must I wait so long to eat my rat!)
• Deep-fry until brown in a mixture of butter and peanut oil.
• Serve till hot with some crunchy peanuts.

Full recipe here!!!



Mmmm mmmm!!! Holy cow what a dish! And the best part about it is rats are probably plentiful around you part of the Obamaville you live in!

Soon you'll be filled with so much rat there won't be much room left for the hope and change.

I'm sure you will find many more ways of preparing rats during recovery summer II.

Enjoy!

Yours,

Ali

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Priorities

And just when you think politicians cannot possibly become any less useful. . .da-da-da-dum!  In walks Eleanor Holmes Norton, Democratic (duh!) Delegate of the District of Columbia.  Of course, as a delegate she has no authority to vote on the final passage of law, however this does not stop her from important matters of state such as flash mob dancing at the Jefferson Memorial.

From the Washington Post:

“When people go as far as Flash Mob dancing without a permit on the Mall, we should see such a response from the public as a wake-up call to make the Mall more with it,” Norton said.

Clearly, this is an important issue for a totally impotent/incompetent member of Congress, yet undaunted she strives to tackle the important issues that affect her constituency, like flash mob dancing.  Who needs be more with it again, Eleanor?

Illogically Mobbed

I am happy to see that these youths in Chicago are following in the long-worn tradition of "community organizing and outreach."

Known in the real world as violent flash mobs and strong arm robbery.

And in some twisted form of ghetto logic, I'm sure all of this is due to the age old dilemma of the man holding a brother down. This time with high bail amounts because it's black-on-not black crime.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

LOL

I heard Howard Dean's infamous "yeeeaarrggh" speech on television this week and I had forgotten how ridiculous it was.  So here is another version. . .backwards.



Probably some secretly coded liberal messages in there somewhere.

Leaving A Mark

As they say. . .

Remembering

Yesterday was the 67th anniversary of the invasion of Normandy.  I meant to post something in reverence of this incredible celebration of the unselfish sacrifice of humankind for the sake of other's freedom.  The first wave of men literally rode the waves into a buzzsaw of death and they did it with the courage and unrelenting belief in their fellow soldier and country.  God bless them and the many couragesous soldiers that have followed in their glorious footsteps.

In celebration, I share with you my new favorite band, Blackberry Smoke.  It's about time someone made some real music instead of all of this , cookie-cutter, pre-fab, canned caterwauling the music industry continues to foist upon us.

God bless our troops and God bless America!

Or Do You Want What's In The Box

#2 has stepped forward.  Thankfully, she is of legal age.

How does that noose feel Mr. Weiner?  Getting a little tighter, isn't it?

And where is Little Debbie?  I thought this was all a private matter.  Oh wait, there she is!  Hey look, Pawlenty's idea for cutting taxes and reducing spending will lead to economic disaster!!!!11eleventy!11

And speaking of economic disasters. . .someone is apparently too busy to care about the mess he's helped us get into. Just can't be bothered I'm telling you.

Hey, just let me eat my waffle.

Monday, June 6, 2011

And Behind Curtain #1

Well, here is the first one.  Poor gal, but she'll probably get a book deal or something out of it.  Anything would be better than a catalog of naked pictures of Weiner.

From ABC News:

The announcement came as ABC News prepared to release an interview with Meagan Broussard, a 26-year-old single mother from Texas who provided dozens of photos, emails, Facebook messages and cell phone call logs that she says chronicle a sexually-charged electronic relationship with Weiner that rapidly-evolved for more than a month, starting on April 20, 2011.



At least she's kinda cute, but Meagan, might I suggest trying EHarmony next time.

UPDATE:  Slideshow, featuring an oh-la-la of Ms. Broussard and an oh-hell-no of Weinerdick.

Full Tilt

We've already stepped in a big pile of it in Libya, so why not play the ace in the hole and go all out?  At least in Syria, there is clear evidence of outright murder of innocent civilians.  Some people call this genocide, others call it another reason to play a round of golf.  Maybe Hillary meant Assad was a murderer and not a 'reformer' earlier this year.

WARNING:  The above link contains video images of extreme gruesomeness.  You have been warned.

Well Done

It appears that the weenie roast is alomst over and thank God for that.  I was almost beginning to feel sorry for the s.o.b., but he is only a victim of his own proclivites and has no one to blame but himself.

What do you think about that Little Debbie?  What was that?  Republicans are Jim Crow racists you say?  Deflect, deflect, deflect.  You have no idea what a goldmine of idiocy you are.

And now a retraction, Debbie?  Dear dear girl, you are truly in over your mayonnaise, aren't you?

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Strike Four

Little Debbie Wasserman-Shultz is at it again.

Via WZ:

“It’s his twitter account. It’s his deal. It’s personal. It’s not something that’s appropriate for another member to comment on. It’s something he is dealing with personally and that’s where I think it should be left,” Wasserman Schultz told CNN.



Uh honey, Deb, dear girl, it stopped being "his deal" when he tweeted his dong for the whole world to see. My Lord, how these people face themselves in the morning is beyond any rational comprehension. It must be all that mayonnaise she uses in her hair.

Gripping

I can't believe that I flew nearly all the way across our wonderful country. . .




. . .to take a helicopter to the bottom of the Grand Canyon. . .




. . .only to find myself ignoring the stark grandiosity of this massive geological feature. . .




. . .and in turn feeling sorry for a lone cactus on the canyon floor.


And Then There Were Two

A special Separated At Birth, Triplets Version



Flash fry Osama Bin Laden's successor with a Hellfire missile and what do you have left?  33% less Just For Men users.

Friday, June 3, 2011

Friday Crowes

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Warning

Normally, I wouldn't post a vulgarity-laced post on this website, as I am a guest blogger. I usually reserved such things for my old blog and my new super-secret, members-only blog that I created recently. But there is only one way I know to respond to something I read earlier, ah, a vulgarity in its own right.

The post will be below the fold. And for those who cannot stomach such things, hey look. . .it's a break dancing kitty!



Clearly, America is losing. Losing in a big, and as the days pass, a more unrecoverable way. So, I pose a simple question: Why?

Here is the answer: Liberals.

Let's examine the evidence in the car, Junior.

Our country is dead broke. Our economy has stalled, job growth is virtually non-existent and governmental handouts are at an all-time high across the board with food stamps, welfare, unemployment benefits, Medicare, and Social Security. The government continues to print money like there is no tomorrow, the dollar is weak, Federal bond rates are in the tank, inflationary pressures increasing on food, rising energy prices, high unemployment, a major housing crisis, increasing bankruptcies - so on and so on and so on.

So where is our money going? Two billion to Brazil to drill for oil. 1.29 million to the communist Chinese to study reducing carbon emissions. Tens, if not hundreds of billions in aid to countries that unquestionably dislike the United States for her foreign policy and in some cases, simply because she exists. 500K for shrimp on the barbie treadmill and 1.5 million for a robot that can fold a towel in 25 minutes. 100 million dollars spent on unused, but totally refundable airline tickets. The list goes on and on and on. . .

Those on the left who advocate for more and more spending during these dire times are either incredibly stupid, misinformed, blinded by their ideology or just. . .just, I don't know. Clinically insane? There is no reason for our country to be in the financial shape that it is. Meddling and over-regulation of industry coupled with a spend it if you got it attitude in Washington is leading us down a very narrow and high road. Once the money runs out we are going to look like Evel Kneivel plunging to the bottom of the Snake River Valley with a fouled parachute and sputtering rocket car, screaming the whole way down until we are obliterated at the bottom in a perfectly round Loony Tunes poof of dust.

I can explain it this way. If I wanted to buy a GI Joe with the kung fu grip that costs seven dollars and I only had six dollars, my options would be to earn some more money, borrow some more money, steal the GI Joe with the kung fu grip or re-evaluate my spending habits and possibly save my money for something more important or necessary. Now, which of these options do you think our Congress would consider? I shouldn't even type out the answer because it is all too obvious. This is called perspective. You don't have to be a macro-economic genius to understand that the prudent things to do are to not steal and borrow.

The money is going to run out. Entitlement programs and mandatory spending are going to exceed the revenues of our government within my lifetime. That is a frightening thing to consider. And of course these crazy people in Washington have no clue as to a solution. The whole reason I even began to write this post was to highlight the type of people who are now in positions of extreme power and policy in the upper levels of our government. The reason we are in such deep-six trouble can be summed up by this incredible statement made by President Obama's solicitor general in reference to the individual mandate of the Obamacare legislation. This person argues that anyone who does not like the individual mandate can elect to earn less money.

Let that sink in for a bit.

There couldn't be a more anti-American statement ever made in the history of this country. This guy might as well have pulled his pants down, wiped his backside with the Constitution and crammed it down the throat of Lady Liberty. What more vile thing could you say about the greatest country to ever rise up through revolution, both in arms and in mind? The whole premise of this country is to live as freely as possible and to make the most of yourself as you can. That is the glory of freewill. Now some liberal, educated (brainwashed) uber-lawyer is telling us to get with the program or just give up on the American dream. Wonderful.

He then goes on to say:



“What Congress is regulating is not the failure to buy something. But failure to secure financing for something everyone is going to buy.”

I don't even know what the heck that means in the context of the healthcare argument, but my BS detector just rocketed through a wormhole into the fourth dimension of stupidity. I can only say it is this type of hardcore leftist psychopath that has infiltrated our government to such extent, we may never regain any semblance of control over our destinies ever again.

Add this person to the one who advocated sterilizing people through the water supply or the EPA chief who said she will regulate without law and the various economic types surrounding the Obama administration who look like Randolph Duke dying on the floor of the trading exchange screaming, "Spend! Spend! Spend!" and you'll realize that somehow, someway we must wrest control of our country from these people before it is too late.

Stop the spending. Stop the frivolous 9th grade science projects. Find the real fraud and waste in governement. Stop giving money to our enemies. And stop raising taxes! Any Republican who can run on that platform will win a landslide election against the duffer in the White House and we need it. Otherwise. . .prepare to pay a lot more for a lot less while the freeloaders get the free ride into the future on your sweaty back. If that's "Winning the Future" then I would rather lose in the present and find that wormhole to the past when all was right with the world. Somewhere around 5 million years ago when human first walked the Earth and decided to start screwing it up for everyone else. Must have been pretty nice back then.

Oh, and for those looking for all that vulgarity? Ha ha, made you look!

I learned that from Debbie Wasserman-Shultz.

She's Baaaaacckkk!

Not that she actually went away.  We couldn't be so lucky.


Debbie Wasserman-Shultz (D-ee Snider) is oh, how can I say this in a politically correct manner.  I can't.  She is a freakin' retard.  What's next from this woman?  Nanny-nanny-boo-boo, stick-your-head-in-doo-doo?

The DNC must be so proud of her.  No facts, no figures, no answers, no solutions.  Just hyperbole, demagoguery, lies, and deceit.  Liberal? Yes.  Hack?  Of course! Totally out of touch with the realities that are destroying this country?   Completely! 

Hey DNC??  Dare I say it, but Mission Accomplished!

And by the way Deb, you are the last person that should mention looking in a mirror.  It appears your haven't seen one in about 25 years.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Yank It

Here are some youths working up some Oompa Loompa magic.



Some of the comments at YouTube are fascinating to read:

its crank dat yank can u read like what da fuck! damn they giggin can i date one of yall lmao! hala at me im making a myspace twerkdatshit@myspace.com okai :) love ya dance :)



@bdwr nahh we still dress like that in Mass bro we aint switchin shit up, dont get me wrong there some fag jean wearers but for da most part we still thuggin out here cuzz, fucc that spandex clothin shit



DEY SHIRTTS GO HAMMMM



@dabadon5 they probably dont have jobs



yo what size are the shirts... 10x damn them shits big



@shitstomp2 Idts called hip talk. But of course u dont know wadt hip talk is so jusdt shut da fuck up. And who still talk boudt mamas nowadays. Wow you hellamoe lame. Holla back adt me when u have something new.

And the thread winner by a long shot:

 I never understood the point of having my shorts as long my legs.

Old Times

I don't even think today's kids would understand a cartoon like this.  Not that it's too complicated, but on the contrary, it may not have enough confounding action to entertain the modern child.

This adult however has tears in his eyes from laughter.

Feel It


No context to this, other than it made me laugh.

Separated At Birth?

Cell phones to kill us ALL!!!!!!

Yeah so the World Health Organization, aka the sinister sounding WHO, has decided to tell us that using cell phones COULD give us all cancer. OK. Fine. Drinking COULD do the same thing I suppose. I'll damned if I aint gonna do both. At the same time on occasion. I sure as heck don't do them both all the time and I'm sure it's only the constant cell phone gabber that has to worry. You know, the douche sitting next to you on train who talks all the way into the city every morning. In which case I'm not gonna miss people like that. So, whatever WHO!

Oh and the moment you've all been waiting for:

No honey! Please put it down!!! I'll save you!!


Then there's this guy:

That's one youth that's never gonna be old. Sad.


Cell phone death!!!!

What's Next?

The ACLU is an enigma.  Thoroughly infested with left-wing activists and attorneys, but an enigma nonetheless.  Generally speaking they attack this country's basic values at every chance, but every now and then, they manage to cross the wide dividing line between us and them.  As it is often said, even a blind squirrel gets a nut, but this is not one of those cases.

The only nut getting here is. . .

The ACLU has now decided that prisoners in South Carolina should have ready access to developmental materials such as job training programs, GED classes and interpretive personality development administration. 

No, just a moment, I must have misread the article. 

The ACLU is arguing that prisoners in South Carolina should have ready access to ample supplies of pornography.

Forgive me if I am misinformed, but when a person enters a prison it is because he or she has contributed to society in a negative fashion and therefore, has elected by his or her poor decision making skills to give up some of the inalienable rights afforded by the Constitution.  And once said person has restituted themselves to the state and is released into the general population again these rights are more or less restored.  This would include the right to spank it to the latest issue of Juggs magazine.

Maybe it is just me, but if I were in prison, I do not think I would want to expose myself to anything that would purposely put me in an advanced state of readiness for some thug to come toss my salad or some such other extra-curricular activity.

But according to the ACLU, this is all just fine and dandy.  Just like abolishing all forms of prayer in school, no candy cane Jesus pencils, no Ten Commandments in the courthouse, but teaching 4th graders about hermaphrodites and transsexuals is just fine and dandy.  What else?

The fabric of this one great nation has been ripped apart and scurrying out from within are millions of insidious cockroaches intent on spreading the vile multi-culti disease of social degeneration.  One day we are going to wake up to find ourselves in a great, post-apocalyptic wasteland of freaks and gazoos with the moral compass of our nation bashed to bits by the constant flailing attack of "equality and fairness".

Sorry to disappoint you and millions of your felonious fans Tera. . .but I just don't see this lawsuit getting anywhere other than clogging up an already overwhelmed court system for no good reason.  Hey, did the ACLU learn that from prison inmates?


Quotated

I Ain't Do It

Captain, I think these are the "youths" you are looking for.

At least one news organization in South Carolina has some balls to identify these "youths."  And of course. . .


Draft Christie!


We're gonna need a bigger boat.


Seems Iowa republican honchos are a little bored with the current crop running. Duh. I'd say! So a draft Christie movement seems to be underway.

My state of mind about this can be best illustrated by this small birthday youth:



Draft Christie