COROLLA MAN - THE COUSIN KENNY CHRONICLES (VOL. 4)

This morning, at a red light, a man driving a Toyota Corolla stopped next to me...he had his windows down...all four of them...and was blasting Foreigner's "Urgent" over his stereo...I had my driver's side window down half way as I was smoking a cigarette...which made his little morning concert all the more annoying...Knowing the general nature of traffic lights, and the their tendency to turn green after a certain period of time, I waited patiently, anxiously awaiting my opportunity to distance myself from "Corolla Man"...green...great...I purposely drive 10 mph over the posted speed limit to ensure that I hit the next light before it turns red...poor synchronization...I still hit the red light...and in the distance, creeping up on me like a monthly car payment, that noise...once again...Foreigner..."it's urgent (urgent), urgent (urgent)...emergency"...I think to myself..."ass!"..."clown!"..."who the fuck do you think you are?"...not quite finished with my cigarette, I endure...once again waiting for the light to change...yet not as patient as the time before...but during the wait, I resolve myself to one thing...the situation at the next light will be different...somehow, some way, things will not be as before...but what?...I could put out my cigarette, half finished, and roll the window up...but these things cost good money..and I enjoy the cool tobacco refreshment...so that option is off the table...I could yell at him to "turn that noise down"...but that's bush league...in this professional part of town...Then it occurs to me...like a stroke of genius...I fumble through the console..."AC/DC"?...no...Otis Redding?...no...ah ha...got it...windows down...I pop it in...I turn it up...loud as it will go...factory speakers pushed to the brink...windows rattling...small animals fleeing...seismologists on alert...the jets are scrambled...----danananana da da dana...dananana da da dana ----"ahhhhhhh yeaaaaaaaaaa"....----...The Rolling Stones!...."Rocks Off" you Foreigner listening nancy boy!...Rocks-fucking-Off!!!!...boomp3.com. ...

I look straight ahead...I smile to myself...feeling I had already accomplished the most important thing I will accomplish all day...the light turns green...but I'm in no hurry now...but Corolla man seems to be...he drives, purposefully it seems, over the speed limit, just as I had, in an attempt to make the next light...---he does not...and slowly, like a monthly car payment, I roll up next to him..."plug in flush out and fire the fucking feed"...again I smile...my life is good.

Cousin Kenny
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